when i started reading it, i definitely had a smirk across my face. this was one of my favourites:
...but before you eat [grains] you must prepare them in the traditional way: by long soaking in the light of a new moon with a mix of mineral water and the strained lacto-fermented tears of a virgin.
And by the time I got to this line, i nearly peed my pants
...that’s if you are able to conceive at all, which you probably won’t, because you ate margarine at least twice when you were 17.
Well said. This is totally me.